I hate weddings! Let me tell you why...because it reminded me of things i'll never have or i choose not to have.
Today, i've got a phone call from my best friend Paerot. And she is getting married this June. Who ever thought that Paerot is tying the knot, of all people we often thought that she will be the last on earth to agree doing that. Not because Paerot didnt believe in the very idea of marriage, but she has been through a lot in her previous relationships which often made her cringed everytime. Well, i guess, Paerot and i used to have that "urghh" moment everytime serious relationships knocked on our door. We've been cheated and mistreated...not once but many times. At one point, we believed that there are NO right guys for us...and hence, we opted for singledom. I'm 31 yrs this year and she is 33 yrs and getting married....hahahaha
I remembered the day Paerot called me to announce her engagement. I couldnt believe my ears. Part of me wanted to cry of joy and part of me just wanted to laugh so hard because i thought that was the funniest joke i've ever heard last year. Honestly, i still cant believe that its gonna happen. Anyway, back to that very day of unstoppable shock, i still can hear myself asking her again and over again on the truth of the news. After an hour, i finally accepted the news that my best friend is enggaged to be married. I hysterically laughed.
Different kind of emotions existed that time: doubtful, sad, joy, happy, awe..you just name it.
Why doubt, some might questioned me. Well, when we were still single, we used to critically observed our friends' intention of getting married; whether they are making the right decision, whether they are ready for the 'suffering' and etc. We completed each others thought over these issues, like "....owh yeah, maybe you are right..." or "Do you think......?". Now, i have to do it for both of us...and the subject of discussion is her. Hahaha..Kidding babe. I trust you to have choosen the right path. Seriously, I'm elated.
I'm happy that Paerot finally find her prince charming who is going to treat her right, to care for her, to love her and her mum and most of all, to accept her for who she was. When she told me the wedding date today, i was kinna relieved because its gonna happen eventually although some issues arose before with the fiance.
So, today, we talked about the hantaran, the wedding dress and those every litle details a wedding is supposed to be. We discussed on feelings and hopes and wishes. And at that very moment, my mind starts to jump all over the places over what wedding gift should i buy. Then i remembered that white wedding dress tucked somewhere in my closet. I know, you guys would probably say..."What? She has a wedding dress ready?"...and "She's probably insane!" hahahaha... Well, i could resist buying it. I fell in love with it and thought, why not...i was in a serious relationship back then and he might pop the question anytime. But nothing happened. So, the dress is still there waiting. The dress will look good on Paerot, i know because she is going to be a happy bride wearing it.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
The One with....My Big Mouth.
It is the time of the month, and normally this is when i like to be indoor so that i wont hurt other people's feeling with my sarcasm. One thing that amazed me about hormon is when it can automatically changed every 28 days circle. One day im a cheery lady and the next day im a nasty old bitch. Perhaps, some of you will ask me what i meant by what i said earlier. Normally gals will understand my point straight away and guys....hmmm...it will a long journey understanding the whole point.
You see, when im having my period i feel really lazy, as in, i hate to move because movement sometimes can be very uncomfortable. With something dripping out from me, all gooey and messy, who would want to have fun?! I rather stay indoor because i dont want to go out and worry whether i'll get stain on my jeans and pants. Besides, i get really sluggish, like i feel so tired that i only want to sleep, curl under my blanket and just shut myself in my room. The tiredness im talking about is not just about physically tiredness but more on mental and emotional stress.
Most people wont understand why gals tend to be emotional during this time but i do. It is beyond our control. I eventually tend to hurt people who are closed to me during this time. Hurt their feelings that is! For instance, lately some guys frens became so bold with their suggestions. Not once but often they would look at me as someone who is easy and cheap. That was kinna hurt actually. All i want is for people especially guys to see me more than what i can physically offer. This scares me to death! So, i wanted to share this thought with someone i like, and i think he took it personally. Once i realized what i've said, i wished this earth split up and swallow me into the Middle Earth so that i can be 'frenly' with that ugly Smeogal/Gollum or whatever his is called. I was ashamed of what i said but my intention was good. I just wanted him to see things from my point of view but yeah...its difficult.
So, when i woke up this morning, i told myself that i ought to apologize and clear the air. How im gonna do it, im not sure but im certainly gonna do it even if i have to 'belanja' him 10 glasses of 'teh tarik kurang manis'. So, i hope he'll be ok and if he happens to read this, i just want him to know that i admit that i was a bitch and whether he likes it or not, this is me everytime im having my period. So, next time, i better hide further inside my cave and hibernate! Im truly sorry and I wish i can say "i wont do it again" but i know i will. But one thing im proud of myself is, i realized that this is one of my flaws and im learning to take control of it. I hope, as years pass...i'll be aware of what my body needs everytime a situation arise so that i wont hurt more feelings.
You see, when im having my period i feel really lazy, as in, i hate to move because movement sometimes can be very uncomfortable. With something dripping out from me, all gooey and messy, who would want to have fun?! I rather stay indoor because i dont want to go out and worry whether i'll get stain on my jeans and pants. Besides, i get really sluggish, like i feel so tired that i only want to sleep, curl under my blanket and just shut myself in my room. The tiredness im talking about is not just about physically tiredness but more on mental and emotional stress.
Most people wont understand why gals tend to be emotional during this time but i do. It is beyond our control. I eventually tend to hurt people who are closed to me during this time. Hurt their feelings that is! For instance, lately some guys frens became so bold with their suggestions. Not once but often they would look at me as someone who is easy and cheap. That was kinna hurt actually. All i want is for people especially guys to see me more than what i can physically offer. This scares me to death! So, i wanted to share this thought with someone i like, and i think he took it personally. Once i realized what i've said, i wished this earth split up and swallow me into the Middle Earth so that i can be 'frenly' with that ugly Smeogal/Gollum or whatever his is called. I was ashamed of what i said but my intention was good. I just wanted him to see things from my point of view but yeah...its difficult.
So, when i woke up this morning, i told myself that i ought to apologize and clear the air. How im gonna do it, im not sure but im certainly gonna do it even if i have to 'belanja' him 10 glasses of 'teh tarik kurang manis'. So, i hope he'll be ok and if he happens to read this, i just want him to know that i admit that i was a bitch and whether he likes it or not, this is me everytime im having my period. So, next time, i better hide further inside my cave and hibernate! Im truly sorry and I wish i can say "i wont do it again" but i know i will. But one thing im proud of myself is, i realized that this is one of my flaws and im learning to take control of it. I hope, as years pass...i'll be aware of what my body needs everytime a situation arise so that i wont hurt more feelings.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
The one with.....Reading..Again
Im back in KL for good. Yeah...finally. People asked me, am i happy with my decision, im gonna say yes because i feel so free. Like i finally have my life back. Like i dont have to worry about so many things but how to survive. After a week at home, i picked up novel that i oughta finished 7 months ago. I tried to read it at first but words seems to escape from my sight, meaningless and shouting for my consentration and focus. Funny how this thing happened.
Years ago, reading was a great passion. And books...books is my shopping list itself. Mum used to nag me for refusing to lunch or dinner and even breakfast because i was to absorb with these kraziness. My wonderful world of reading getting out of hand when i was in my university years, no nagging, no pestering bro or sis. Free world!! Assignments were always done on the dot so that i can read books i bought the day before. Gosh...and imagine this, i was staying with 5 more avid readers and there were we, reading and not even a word came out from our lips. The only sounds existed were the flipping pages and the slamming of the toilet door. I remember my best Widya, she has a weird practise, she often read some of the dialogue from the romantic novel out loud. Whoa....that was creepy!..Hehehehe.. My God, she was really into the characters.
That was then, now, my flatmate Sha, she is a reader too. At times, i can be jealous of her because she has the luxury of time to actually read everything whilst I, busy doing laundry and preparing my luggage for the next outstation trip. People often suggest me reading while in the bus or flight but forgodsake, i have a lot of sleep to catch up than reading. A fren of mine used to lend me his book..just in case i feel like reading but nope....never did dude!
Reading is in my blood i guess, no matter how busy i was and no matter how many books i bought thinking that i'll read them one day, i still want to read. Well, since novel is too undigestable at one time, i started to buy magazines. Goodness, i was addicted to some in fact. I can read those short, short articles at one go without feeling guilty of putting the whole thing down and continue reading tomorrow or whenever i can. You see, why reading is such a great passion to me is because of several reasons:
1) Reading is where i pick up my vocabulary. I remember reading my first Mills n Boons when i was 11 years and i did it secretly. Come on, people wud say, wasnt MB is a bit heavy for an 11yrs? Well, it was, if you are to point out the sexy scene in some of the chapters but hey..i will learn about it eventually. Only that, i might start earlier than any other gals. From MB i learned words like 'humanitarian" or even "french kiss" which i thought at first as French couple kissing. But heyyy.....that was some kind of meaningful information.
2) Reading brought me places i never been before. Reading Patricia Cornwell's for example brought me to Virginia. I learned about the morgue or even some local cemetary. Creepy huh? But it was truly an adventure. The details were so real that i feel i was in the plot myself. As if i was walking the ground these serial killers walked and I can almost smell the blood. Perghhh!!
3) Reading creates who I am today. Through reading i see things differently and i look at some issues from different angles by being on these people's shoes. My understanding of characters i read help me to value other people opinion upon something. I never dismissed a good suggestion simply because i hate the source. Nope, reading is character building itself. It built mine for sure.
Well, i guess, ive written enough, i probably should go back to my book. Anyway, its weekend and nobody works during the weekend. Its reading time and ive lotsa catching up to do.
Years ago, reading was a great passion. And books...books is my shopping list itself. Mum used to nag me for refusing to lunch or dinner and even breakfast because i was to absorb with these kraziness. My wonderful world of reading getting out of hand when i was in my university years, no nagging, no pestering bro or sis. Free world!! Assignments were always done on the dot so that i can read books i bought the day before. Gosh...and imagine this, i was staying with 5 more avid readers and there were we, reading and not even a word came out from our lips. The only sounds existed were the flipping pages and the slamming of the toilet door. I remember my best Widya, she has a weird practise, she often read some of the dialogue from the romantic novel out loud. Whoa....that was creepy!..Hehehehe.. My God, she was really into the characters.
That was then, now, my flatmate Sha, she is a reader too. At times, i can be jealous of her because she has the luxury of time to actually read everything whilst I, busy doing laundry and preparing my luggage for the next outstation trip. People often suggest me reading while in the bus or flight but forgodsake, i have a lot of sleep to catch up than reading. A fren of mine used to lend me his book..just in case i feel like reading but nope....never did dude!
Reading is in my blood i guess, no matter how busy i was and no matter how many books i bought thinking that i'll read them one day, i still want to read. Well, since novel is too undigestable at one time, i started to buy magazines. Goodness, i was addicted to some in fact. I can read those short, short articles at one go without feeling guilty of putting the whole thing down and continue reading tomorrow or whenever i can. You see, why reading is such a great passion to me is because of several reasons:
1) Reading is where i pick up my vocabulary. I remember reading my first Mills n Boons when i was 11 years and i did it secretly. Come on, people wud say, wasnt MB is a bit heavy for an 11yrs? Well, it was, if you are to point out the sexy scene in some of the chapters but hey..i will learn about it eventually. Only that, i might start earlier than any other gals. From MB i learned words like 'humanitarian" or even "french kiss" which i thought at first as French couple kissing. But heyyy.....that was some kind of meaningful information.
2) Reading brought me places i never been before. Reading Patricia Cornwell's for example brought me to Virginia. I learned about the morgue or even some local cemetary. Creepy huh? But it was truly an adventure. The details were so real that i feel i was in the plot myself. As if i was walking the ground these serial killers walked and I can almost smell the blood. Perghhh!!
3) Reading creates who I am today. Through reading i see things differently and i look at some issues from different angles by being on these people's shoes. My understanding of characters i read help me to value other people opinion upon something. I never dismissed a good suggestion simply because i hate the source. Nope, reading is character building itself. It built mine for sure.
Well, i guess, ive written enough, i probably should go back to my book. Anyway, its weekend and nobody works during the weekend. Its reading time and ive lotsa catching up to do.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
The One with....A Good Friend of Mine
Hi Babe,
Yeah, as promised, im gonna write something about you and i hope you like it. You see people, I'm gonna talk about my friend whom I met over Tagged last year. At first it was just a simple Hi and I remember he commented on my pic. A sweet comment it was and we immediately clicked.
I remember when i was in my recovery process after that nasty breakup, he was there, over the phone. He told me that i deserved someone much better and he was right. Funny thing about us is that..he is in KL but we never met. We exchanged photos though but I know him more that his look. I am grateful to him and wish him the best for being in this strange land. I want to get to know him better as friend and i want to take care of him.
Yeah, as promised, im gonna write something about you and i hope you like it. You see people, I'm gonna talk about my friend whom I met over Tagged last year. At first it was just a simple Hi and I remember he commented on my pic. A sweet comment it was and we immediately clicked.
I remember when i was in my recovery process after that nasty breakup, he was there, over the phone. He told me that i deserved someone much better and he was right. Funny thing about us is that..he is in KL but we never met. We exchanged photos though but I know him more that his look. I am grateful to him and wish him the best for being in this strange land. I want to get to know him better as friend and i want to take care of him.
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