Saturday, March 8, 2008

The One with...Love-Changing Decision

I was reading this piece from Glamour while having my hair done, "The questions to ask yourself before blablabla....". Infact, it was a thought-provoking question as again, i have issues with my life path. Infact, i dont think i have a path at all when it comes to this.

Reading this write-up somehow, making me think or rather check every littlest intention available.

1) Am i myself when I'm with him?
Well, this is a toughest one because first impression drove people to be someone else. We pretend to be as perfect as we can, with no smudge mascara or bleeding lipline. Having this question lingers freely in the corner of my mind, i asked myself how can this be possible? You see, we want to be accepted everywhere. But being ourself is something that is not easy to do around someone you really fancy (unless he is your bestest of best friend who has seen u pick your nose or didnt complain when you farted in the elevator). I even pretend to be someone else everytime i meet new crowd especially in the kind of work i do. So much for a reputation, huh?! Well, i have to admit that we actually cant lure someone to like us by being someone we are not. Hence the term "a changed person"!

2) Do I love him or do I love the idea of him?
I..actually do not understand this question. What's the different anyway? Ok...let me deal with this question but unfolding various layers it hold. I think the first refers to the fact that loving someone as he is and the latest is more incline towards the idea of having a perfect someone just because he is the THAT someone you want all this while; perfect height, perfect weight and skin shade. Walking down the memory lane, i realized that i was more the the second person, setting my own standard of who should or shouldnot be that someone and look where it brought me? More heartbreaks and tears. So, the next thing i did was to change myself into the first person, trying to love that somebody and yeah...still no relationship. I guess the problem is with me....

3) Is he good enough for me?
Wow..this is a real tricky question. Honestly, i believe every guys is good enough for me in their own way. One thing that im proud of myself is my ability to learn to adapt to situation fast. I guess, being away from family for more than 15 years taught me this. A surviving skills. Not to depend on people so much. The question here should be; Am i good enough for these guys? Or maybe...just maybe...i was too vulnerable and was taken advantage of.

4) Do we have shared long-term goals and values?
Yeah...this is pretty important. This someone has goot to like what i like and vice versa. I love the idea of farming, so he better like it too. I hate mr. goody two shoes! He even better be transparent by letting me know everything about him so that i can prepare myself for whatever is coming. So that i dont get beserk and turn purple or green or whatever colors there are.

There is a lot of other questions but i'll tell you guys later.

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