The One with......Drifting Drifter

Months....i never really had time to check on my blog, not even write anything on it, but ive been thinking about what to write. Been thinking about it alot. Im away now, in my hometown where internet access is a luxury people cant afford, phone line is sucks and life is pretty much laidback
Ive never been away from Kl for this long and i can feel that ive been sucked in into this lifestyle, i woke up as early and watch tv...and cook....and the next thing i know, its noon already. After Oprah and series of Friends, i take my shower and ponder on what to do and at the same time wondering what happened to me mentally. Yesterday, i saw an ad over a mental stability association, maybe i ought to check out the place. One thing i do know, is that, im not doing healthily well. Painless condition that brought me vack to this place is kinna scary.
I asked myself quite a lot, do i miss KL, i have to say NOPE... strange but thats the truth! I dont miss KL at all yet i dont feel at home. Im floating...waiting to drift to a place where life is less thinkable and complicated..

The One with....Boredom

Have you ever come across a moment when you walked and do your stuff you always know want you wanted to say but once you exactly infront of the lappy, u cant think of anything nice to write. I guess that is what we call as brain freeze or could it be mental block? Sigh..this is exactly happened to me now. I've been staring at the screen for more than an hour now and still i cant seem to fine things to write.

The One with....Friendship

We grow up believing that friendship is a crucial part of life. As children, teenagers and then adults we hold to that notion pretty much tight. For me, having gone through so many phases of friendship in my 31 years of life, the knot that brought us together evolved slowly as much as needs allowed us. I remember the essence of friendship when i was just a kid and comparing it to that very much evolved definition when i was into my 'pimple-frizzy hair-chubby' teenhood.

When i was in the primary school, friendship is more to having someone to play hopscotch with and even someone to accompany me to the toilet or the teacher's office. But, i rather say that friendship at this age is so pure and innocence. I dont have much doubt or suspicion on my friends and i dont get that jealous to any of them.

As i get to the secondary school, things started to get pretty much well-defined. Friendship is 'the freak','the nerd', 'the glamorous', 'the beefy dude', 'the dont-u-even-think-of-it' and of course 'the teacher's pet'. Well, i didnt really which group im belong to because i was neither anything in the list, but friends came from all. However, it was really hard to stick to that i-dont-belong-anywhere thingy because as i went out with this group of friends the other would simply glared at you. All in all, i have to say that i dont really have best of friends when i was in school.

College years once again redefined friendship. Away from family, friends had become my closest of everything. Not all, but many did. And many still.

The One with.....Facebook

It has been awhile since i last composed here. I was kinna busy adapting to new life and my addiction to Facebook. Freaky actually because i've been hiding so well so far than being discovered by my fellow mates, then Facebook eventually entangled our paths once again.

I was having this confusion whether i should remain invinsible to these people and lead my life as it is or walk back the memory lane. Honestly, i'm scared of my past especially of the days when i was totally a different person. I've changed 360 degree and become someone else. Yeah, i wasn't this pathetic back then before i took the wrong turn of my life. I was cheery and chubby gal with the lovable attitude, forgetable face and just plain Jane who didn't really think that people can be so full of s***.

When these people saw me in Facebook, they didnt recognize me for some reasons. Maybe, they have this content life that seeing an old face is just an instant comparison of before and after, how many lines in the face ones got or even how many pounds he/she has added throughout the years. I guess i did the same thing too. I went through their album and counted the children they have, how their husband's look and where they go for vacation. In a way, i started to see how my life has turn about.

I've wasted so many years searching for things i didnt get at the end. Looking upon where i am now, im a homeless with a house and alone within a crowd. I'm scared of myself. What will you anybody do, if they are in my shoes? I realized one thing though, i need a big sincere hug and someone who is going to say that everything is gonna be ok because i'm really scared and i dont know what to do.

The One with.....His Name Hidden Somewhere

Harbour your love in my sea of hope
As dawn sees the blended colours of joy and
Rising sun greets our joyful reunion
Rendering the thoughts of future
Immaculating littlest details and
Smiling all the way....

The One with......Elizabeth

I watched "Elizabeth" today. Well, there is something about epic movie that made me so impressed. I guess it is the detailed those movie makers put into their film...

Elizabeth is a story of the Virgin Queen of England. Her struggles and her feeling towards Sir Walter Raleigh which she supressed inside for she believed that as Queen, she shouldnt be so bold. Then, there come Bess...Her Majesty's court gal who was smithened by Sir Raleigh. Bess is this pretty all-girlish girl guy chase over everywhere. She was indeed Elizabeth favourite.

Many things within Elizabeth resembled me...

The One with....Hardship

So....whats with hardship that i wish to share with all tonite? Wondering why single mum has high tolerance towards pressure? Yeah....it goes back to the hardship they went through in their life.

I saw people who has no tremendous idea whats hardship is. They never suffer and learn the real way to survive in this cruel and gnawing world. It is not an awkward issue because it is real. Their life is so full of supports that they never really kissed the ground not even once in their life. They are so illiterate in whats hunger is...or whats pain and heartbroken refers to. Pity, at the very end of life, where the crazy world of wisdom shouldve knocked twice at their door, they just got the very first taste on the ringing.

i'm still sore of all the work out and the walk out and picking up on things that messed my home is kinna tiring. But yup...i did it all bit by bit.....