Do you still remember what you did when you're 26? Well, i was browsing through some acquaintance's Facebook and realized how much fun she had. And suddenly, like a block of ice, something hit me straight to the heart. I remembered how much different life was at my 26... I dont go out partying and i dont even go out on a date. I was.....some of you can say...innocence in intepreting life, but the truth is, i was until i met him. Thats' where i screwed up big time!!
Anyway, now, at 31 going 32, after several years of making more and more mistakes and unthoughtful decision, i realized i've changed in many ways...although my mum won't agree to that. Emotionally, i am more relax especially in facing life's obstacles, not because im getting wise through age as some might say, but i dont really have much choice but to ignore my anxiety and panic and face life like a cool girl. Physically, well....i wont talk much about this because we cant fight the fact that our physical anatomy will loose its strength somehow, although i still wonder how Marie Osmonds did her dancing even after 8 children and at the age of 48yrs. I guess...she has been through alot too and being a single mother doesnt deter her from doing things she enjoys. Probably, it is different here...with the culture and mentality differences, single mothers are expected to mourn their loneliness and singledom to their grave. Arghh....this is something i wished change in our life. Im not saying that single mothers should rebel and run pickets to determine their rights in the community but a slight positiveness towards life wont harm. It is good for the children too. But, either way, im frustrated.
Sexually, well.....a taboo subject still. But behind every good reasons any phychologist gave, there is some truth to it. As we grow old..sex is more sacred and more emotionally involved and as they said again, at this age, it is the best of the bestest time. Hmm.... what do you think? I have NO idea.. Anyway, lets talk about the physical side of life. Yeah...blame it on the hormon but again, it's nature way of pulling our legs...telling us w should never forget to take care of ourself. How difficult can that be? Hmm...'very' actually, especially if you have a demanding lifestyle with career stood tall in your life's priority. But all that can be changed, if we want it to utterly change to a way we wanted it to be.
Right now, i am the red circle in the middle of the dart board, waiting to be jabbed and scrutinized and i can feel the anxiety attacking me again. Why? Well, it is something i cant tell you here because it is too personal but i wish i can talk to someone about it. But i do have someone that i can trust with my life to tell all. I'm scared, and still am. Wondering what else will come. This week alone has proved to be such a nerve-wrecking week and i dont have a place to hide. All i can do is stood there and face the blow...blow by blow...i dont know whether i have to cry or if i can even cry at all. Im just too numb to say anything....or maybe this is how it should be years ago. I dont know...
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