This is my second day of my new job. I'm still a lil bit nervous though and sometimes i have this sinking feeling that one day the truth will prevail. But i will continue pray to the Allmighty that all ends well. My desire to start a new life has to prolong just to see that light at the end of the turnel. Life here is ok so far...i will try not to say that it is OK OK because i's still new. However, lastnite during dinner i had my first taste of office politics.
Before i went to bed lastnite, i was thinking of what i can do to not entangled myself in this dangerous and fatal web. I guess...being a low-profile personale will eventually help but i rather be someone who is low profile and at the same time contribute as many as i can to my institution. So, i listed down so many things that im thinking of completing today, not to impress my boss but to have that satisfaction knowing i have all the know-hows of things. Do wish me luck...
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
The One with.......Jobs
Hi peep....i've been so tired...i was supposed to be ok here with or without jobs but why is job hunting be so tiring and time consuming in Sarawak? At times, i've come to a conclusion that job hunting is just sooo frustrating in Sarawak. You will have to be (1) the big guy's son or daughter or even sibblings to secure a good job, or (2) i have to be a of a specific group of people to be able to secure a good job. [sigh...]..
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
The One with....Regrets
I was all over my Facebook frens today and realized that some of them (which i've known from my previous work place) are married. Wow!. Browsing through their photos really make me see that there were steps taken in my life was a risky ones. I had a blast while working there...for about a year until the Devil herself whispered in my ears that i shud change my direction. So, I did...and i regret it even more now. I lost my frens and although some gets really close now. I know, there is a reason behind everything that happened in our life but yeah....i sure missed those people.
Talking about the Devil...gosh...how did i ever get so blinded by her ulterior motive...scheming little b***h. She convinced me that what i did is truly right when she gain everything from it. Damn..She definately twisted me around her little finger and i cudnt see that coming. What happened then was unmistakenly cheating the very core of eternal life.
The Devil was a lady who is so good at covering herself, literally...but i've never met someone who is so obsessed with witchcraft and spell and potion and charm. She talked as if she was the victim yet, she was the predator. And we awere the live bait... We turned our back from our frens (yeah...i have to admit that where there are good frens, there is definately bad boss)..but frenship...arghhh frenship is something else, people.
Scanning through there photos, i wanted so much to drop a few comment but i cudnt bring myself to say a few wordsnot even a congratulation upon their wedding. Seeing how happy they were, i just cudnt bring myself to spoilt whatever mood they are in. Sighh...
I just missed those times of silliness...
Talking about the Devil...gosh...how did i ever get so blinded by her ulterior motive...scheming little b***h. She convinced me that what i did is truly right when she gain everything from it. Damn..She definately twisted me around her little finger and i cudnt see that coming. What happened then was unmistakenly cheating the very core of eternal life.
The Devil was a lady who is so good at covering herself, literally...but i've never met someone who is so obsessed with witchcraft and spell and potion and charm. She talked as if she was the victim yet, she was the predator. And we awere the live bait... We turned our back from our frens (yeah...i have to admit that where there are good frens, there is definately bad boss)..but frenship...arghhh frenship is something else, people.
Scanning through there photos, i wanted so much to drop a few comment but i cudnt bring myself to say a few wordsnot even a congratulation upon their wedding. Seeing how happy they were, i just cudnt bring myself to spoilt whatever mood they are in. Sighh...
I just missed those times of silliness...
Thursday, February 26, 2009
I never thought that i'll be around to write this but heck...it is always a pleasure to channel my unstoppable thought through this page. Anyway, i've just celebrated my my 32th birthday...and yeah..the number aint pretty but thats the fact. Also, i need to share my joy of having Arya into our life is such a blessing to everyone and i'll never be happier than i already am. Busy? Well...is there any post that i forget to say the damned word? I guess..i'll be busy as long as i live and hence the phrase "Rest In Peace" is rather approprite for a tombstone because that is the exact time to rest for someone as busy as i am.
As for my last post, i've mentioned a friend in a far far away land...and yeah...things a good now... There is always a small corner of hope that things will be better in the future but who am i to be such hopeful. Well...to tell everyone the truth...life is clearer now...i can see my direction although it is still blurry. I now know the reason to be back home and can almost taste what will happen next which i wish some good things.
As for my last post, i've mentioned a friend in a far far away land...and yeah...things a good now... There is always a small corner of hope that things will be better in the future but who am i to be such hopeful. Well...to tell everyone the truth...life is clearer now...i can see my direction although it is still blurry. I now know the reason to be back home and can almost taste what will happen next which i wish some good things.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
The One with the.....Faraway Friend
Second post for the day. I know.....you might wonder why i took the trouble again to write another entree. It is something that has been eating me up lately and it has been weeks in fact. You see...since i've been home, i decided to shut my utterly hot phone number because i just want to be undisturbed by unknown callers and of course some other reasons. So, i've registered a new number which only family and very very special friends know. When i mentioned very special friends, it is not necessarily means male friends, ok! Or perhaps let me just say...closest friends. Among this closest friend is a guy friend whom i never even meet in real life. Our paths crossed in Facebook and since then, we've been texting each other....phone calls?...well, a couple of time...he is away right now...unreachable physically, and thats why we seldom talk.
So, what's with the faraway Friend of mine?. Well, it is hard to say...but i'm worried he took me wrongly. Do i care about him? Yes, i do...like i care about all my friends regardless male or female.
To him, if he read this,
Dont be scared of me because i meant no harm. I'm not asking anything that you cant give me, and friendship is good enough. I'm not asking for COMMITMENT...i just want someone to talk to. You might wonder why i like you to be my friend (or maybe you just dont want to know...but i'll take my chance), it is simple because we are far apart, you in Ireland and I'm here loyal to my Malaysia. It is easier talking to someone we never met and talk to someone who wont judge us the way other people do. It allows us to keep some secrets to ourselves rather than placing everything on our sleeves.
Why you, you might wonder....? But Why NOT YOU? I guess...guys is easier to talk to than gals. Gals tend to be emotional over thing but a GUY rationalize me...which i really need at the moment. I've been through lots of thing and my mind is as fragile as a glass. I guess..it is true that male is a stronger creation of God...and that is why i needed you to be y friend. Just dont take me the wrong way.
So, what's with the faraway Friend of mine?. Well, it is hard to say...but i'm worried he took me wrongly. Do i care about him? Yes, i do...like i care about all my friends regardless male or female.
To him, if he read this,
Dont be scared of me because i meant no harm. I'm not asking anything that you cant give me, and friendship is good enough. I'm not asking for COMMITMENT...i just want someone to talk to. You might wonder why i like you to be my friend (or maybe you just dont want to know...but i'll take my chance), it is simple because we are far apart, you in Ireland and I'm here loyal to my Malaysia. It is easier talking to someone we never met and talk to someone who wont judge us the way other people do. It allows us to keep some secrets to ourselves rather than placing everything on our sleeves.
Why you, you might wonder....? But Why NOT YOU? I guess...guys is easier to talk to than gals. Gals tend to be emotional over thing but a GUY rationalize me...which i really need at the moment. I've been through lots of thing and my mind is as fragile as a glass. I guess..it is true that male is a stronger creation of God...and that is why i needed you to be y friend. Just dont take me the wrong way.
The One with the.......Age Factor
Do you still remember what you did when you're 26? Well, i was browsing through some acquaintance's Facebook and realized how much fun she had. And suddenly, like a block of ice, something hit me straight to the heart. I remembered how much different life was at my 26... I dont go out partying and i dont even go out on a date. I was.....some of you can say...innocence in intepreting life, but the truth is, i was until i met him. Thats' where i screwed up big time!!
Anyway, now, at 31 going 32, after several years of making more and more mistakes and unthoughtful decision, i realized i've changed in many ways...although my mum won't agree to that. Emotionally, i am more relax especially in facing life's obstacles, not because im getting wise through age as some might say, but i dont really have much choice but to ignore my anxiety and panic and face life like a cool girl. Physically, well....i wont talk much about this because we cant fight the fact that our physical anatomy will loose its strength somehow, although i still wonder how Marie Osmonds did her dancing even after 8 children and at the age of 48yrs. I guess...she has been through alot too and being a single mother doesnt deter her from doing things she enjoys. Probably, it is different here...with the culture and mentality differences, single mothers are expected to mourn their loneliness and singledom to their grave. Arghh....this is something i wished change in our life. Im not saying that single mothers should rebel and run pickets to determine their rights in the community but a slight positiveness towards life wont harm. It is good for the children too. But, either way, im frustrated.
Sexually, well.....a taboo subject still. But behind every good reasons any phychologist gave, there is some truth to it. As we grow old..sex is more sacred and more emotionally involved and as they said again, at this age, it is the best of the bestest time. Hmm.... what do you think? I have NO idea.. Anyway, lets talk about the physical side of life. Yeah...blame it on the hormon but again, it's nature way of pulling our legs...telling us w should never forget to take care of ourself. How difficult can that be? Hmm...'very' actually, especially if you have a demanding lifestyle with career stood tall in your life's priority. But all that can be changed, if we want it to utterly change to a way we wanted it to be.
Right now, i am the red circle in the middle of the dart board, waiting to be jabbed and scrutinized and i can feel the anxiety attacking me again. Why? Well, it is something i cant tell you here because it is too personal but i wish i can talk to someone about it. But i do have someone that i can trust with my life to tell all. I'm scared, and still am. Wondering what else will come. This week alone has proved to be such a nerve-wrecking week and i dont have a place to hide. All i can do is stood there and face the blow...blow by blow...i dont know whether i have to cry or if i can even cry at all. Im just too numb to say anything....or maybe this is how it should be years ago. I dont know...
Anyway, now, at 31 going 32, after several years of making more and more mistakes and unthoughtful decision, i realized i've changed in many ways...although my mum won't agree to that. Emotionally, i am more relax especially in facing life's obstacles, not because im getting wise through age as some might say, but i dont really have much choice but to ignore my anxiety and panic and face life like a cool girl. Physically, well....i wont talk much about this because we cant fight the fact that our physical anatomy will loose its strength somehow, although i still wonder how Marie Osmonds did her dancing even after 8 children and at the age of 48yrs. I guess...she has been through alot too and being a single mother doesnt deter her from doing things she enjoys. Probably, it is different here...with the culture and mentality differences, single mothers are expected to mourn their loneliness and singledom to their grave. Arghh....this is something i wished change in our life. Im not saying that single mothers should rebel and run pickets to determine their rights in the community but a slight positiveness towards life wont harm. It is good for the children too. But, either way, im frustrated.
Sexually, well.....a taboo subject still. But behind every good reasons any phychologist gave, there is some truth to it. As we grow old..sex is more sacred and more emotionally involved and as they said again, at this age, it is the best of the bestest time. Hmm.... what do you think? I have NO idea.. Anyway, lets talk about the physical side of life. Yeah...blame it on the hormon but again, it's nature way of pulling our legs...telling us w should never forget to take care of ourself. How difficult can that be? Hmm...'very' actually, especially if you have a demanding lifestyle with career stood tall in your life's priority. But all that can be changed, if we want it to utterly change to a way we wanted it to be.
Right now, i am the red circle in the middle of the dart board, waiting to be jabbed and scrutinized and i can feel the anxiety attacking me again. Why? Well, it is something i cant tell you here because it is too personal but i wish i can talk to someone about it. But i do have someone that i can trust with my life to tell all. I'm scared, and still am. Wondering what else will come. This week alone has proved to be such a nerve-wrecking week and i dont have a place to hide. All i can do is stood there and face the blow...blow by blow...i dont know whether i have to cry or if i can even cry at all. Im just too numb to say anything....or maybe this is how it should be years ago. I dont know...
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